wasting your valuable time since 1999
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| June 26, 2003 | |||
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wasting your valuable time since 1999
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the blurb | garrett's ramblings Lots of updates today: most importantly, I am headed back to Boston on Friday for the rest of the summer. Life will return somewhat to normal, minus darts (RIP). On a somewhat related note, I got my raise. It was in the single digit percentage, so I'm not exactly jumping for joy, but its a good sign and covers some inflation. Ask me how the two are related some time, its a funny story. Next up, there was a huge cockroach in my room last night - I cowered in the corner like a schoolgirl until someone came and killed it (it was hiding under the bed). Finally, as part of life returning to normal next week, I'll be getting Today@ out on a more regular basis...black and white | headline news [ I hate it when I have to decide between news and comedy...]9-Year-Old Girl Marries Dog in India:A 9-year-old girl was married to a stray dog in a ceremony attended by more than 100 guests in a village in India's eastern state of Bengal as part of a ritual intended to ward off a bad omen, newspapers reported Thursday. comedy corner | humor from around the net [ Wow, this will take you back...]X-Entertainment's 1980's Commercials One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind
him, "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it
a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what
to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars, a heck of
a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the
drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up
and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and
waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have
tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the
mixture for good measure.
Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He
deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs repair.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
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